Scapula: (n) {scap-YOO-luh} commonly known as the shoulder blade, also another word for "excruciating pain"
Argh, the pain. You ever get your shoulder blade out of joint? It happens to me a lot, though I couldn't begin to explain why. That, and ankle injuries. Though this year I did happen to have a doctor explain to me why I am so prone to twisting (and therefore spraining) my ankles. Turns out I have unusually high arches.
Yep. My arches are too high. Basically, if you were to dip the sole of my foot in ink and stand me up on a piece of paper, the resulting print would have the ball of my foot (with toes) and my heel and a "wafer thin" line on the outside edge of the print connecting the two sections. The doctor said I should probably invest in arch supports for my shoes, especially if I was prone to falls.
PRONE TO FALLS?? How did I reach the age of 34 without this gem of wisdom?? Prone to falls, eh? Oh, I don't know. Let's see, shall we?
Age 5, 1st grade.
Completely mangled the left side of my face while playing tag on the blacktop at recess. I was IT and was chasing the others when I completely failed to turn after running headlong towards a brick wall. Face + speed + wall = hamburger meat.
Age 7, 3rd grade.
Broke left wrist while running down a hill because my mother was calling me and I was late for dinner.
Age 8, 4th grade.
Broke left elbow while using front walk as ice slide in the worst blizzard in PA in 50 years.
Age 11, 7th grade.
Sprained left ankle twice and right ankle once. Left ankle--sprained while tying shoe while on moving swing. Right ankle--sprained when walking down front walk of friend's house after slumber party. Left ankle--sprained while walking home from basketball court. Spent 9 months either on crutches or recovering from sprains.
Age 17, Freshman in college.
Tore ligaments in left ankle when slipped on a chicken dumpling in the dining hall of my school.
Age 19, Junior in college.
Tore ligaments in left shoulder, severely bruised knee when falling on a speed bump while engaged in a foot race with a woman in high heels. (I was wearing sneakers.)
Age 25, customer service representative.
Broke 5 ribs falling down 4 steps.
Age 29, administrative support.
Snapped my achilles' tendon in the left foot while hopping on one foot during warm-ups just before the curtain rose on a play I was in. I did the show (complete with two dance numbers) anyway. The injury required surgery to repair.
Age 33, stagemanager.
Severely bruised left forearm while attempting to rescue claustrophobic actress from closed coffin.
Age 34, actress.
Broke two toes falling off stage on closing night of Julius Caesar.
Age 34, administrative support.
Strained right achilles tendon while running to catch train.
Double sprained right ankle, sprained right hand while walking down sidewalk on the way to interview potential cat adoptee.
So yeah, I'm a little prone to falls. And did I heed the doctor's advice? No, I still don't have arch supports. What kind of dolt am I?
I know there's a word for people who are afraid of heights but I wonder if there's a word for people who are afraid of high heels, specifically the wearing of them. Most people assume that I don't like high heels because I am a lesbian, but no, really it is because I don't like sprained ankles.
By the way, today just BLOWS. I had to get that out of my system.
Oh well, here's to ace bandages and tangled webs...
Yep. My arches are too high. Basically, if you were to dip the sole of my foot in ink and stand me up on a piece of paper, the resulting print would have the ball of my foot (with toes) and my heel and a "wafer thin" line on the outside edge of the print connecting the two sections. The doctor said I should probably invest in arch supports for my shoes, especially if I was prone to falls.
PRONE TO FALLS?? How did I reach the age of 34 without this gem of wisdom?? Prone to falls, eh? Oh, I don't know. Let's see, shall we?
Age 5, 1st grade.
Completely mangled the left side of my face while playing tag on the blacktop at recess. I was IT and was chasing the others when I completely failed to turn after running headlong towards a brick wall. Face + speed + wall = hamburger meat.
Age 7, 3rd grade.
Broke left wrist while running down a hill because my mother was calling me and I was late for dinner.
Age 8, 4th grade.
Broke left elbow while using front walk as ice slide in the worst blizzard in PA in 50 years.
Age 11, 7th grade.
Sprained left ankle twice and right ankle once. Left ankle--sprained while tying shoe while on moving swing. Right ankle--sprained when walking down front walk of friend's house after slumber party. Left ankle--sprained while walking home from basketball court. Spent 9 months either on crutches or recovering from sprains.
Age 17, Freshman in college.
Tore ligaments in left ankle when slipped on a chicken dumpling in the dining hall of my school.
Age 19, Junior in college.
Tore ligaments in left shoulder, severely bruised knee when falling on a speed bump while engaged in a foot race with a woman in high heels. (I was wearing sneakers.)
Age 25, customer service representative.
Broke 5 ribs falling down 4 steps.
Age 29, administrative support.
Snapped my achilles' tendon in the left foot while hopping on one foot during warm-ups just before the curtain rose on a play I was in. I did the show (complete with two dance numbers) anyway. The injury required surgery to repair.
Age 33, stagemanager.
Severely bruised left forearm while attempting to rescue claustrophobic actress from closed coffin.
Age 34, actress.
Broke two toes falling off stage on closing night of Julius Caesar.
Age 34, administrative support.
Strained right achilles tendon while running to catch train.
Double sprained right ankle, sprained right hand while walking down sidewalk on the way to interview potential cat adoptee.
So yeah, I'm a little prone to falls. And did I heed the doctor's advice? No, I still don't have arch supports. What kind of dolt am I?
I know there's a word for people who are afraid of heights but I wonder if there's a word for people who are afraid of high heels, specifically the wearing of them. Most people assume that I don't like high heels because I am a lesbian, but no, really it is because I don't like sprained ankles.
By the way, today just BLOWS. I had to get that out of my system.
Oh well, here's to ace bandages and tangled webs...
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